Monday, May 21, 2007

Call me The Erector.So, all your "blog" proves is that you don't know how to watch television, follow stories, incorporate data into a logical and consistent worldview, or notice when a hot robot mama's entire spine is pulsing bright red, coincidentally the color your mother turns when i pump her furiously.Starbuck is not a cylon, nor is Chief, nor is Tye. Sam and Indian Political Aide Lady (henceforth known as IPAL) are unknowns, although, to reference the doggie-styling problem that leon, willie, and i have discussed at length, you'd think Kara would notice sam's back glowing red whilst she entered him.Here's the deal: if they're cylons, then "cylon" doesn't mean what we thought it meant, and some of the stated goals of the cylons, esp. the 6 in Gaius' head, don't mean shit.And didn't Tye get tested for cylon blood in 1st season when Gaius was testing everyone?Blogger Schlager obviously didn't think this through and that, dear friends, is the most disappointing of all.I don't think they're cylons. I think those five are connected supernaturally and the show is going to flesh out the human side of the magic after taking us through some of the cylon mythos (like "projecting," that truth in death shit that Xena was doing, the poetry-spouting hybrids, and the monotheism and holy baby shit). Kara's place in the human, pantheonic, religion has to be separate from the cylon stuff b/c the ancient human religion is pre-cylon and the 12 colonies of Kobol are, presumably, also pre-cylon.so, those five mean something else, something along the lines of roslyn's place in the story. especially since Chief has been at the center of religious stuff, anyway, like his parents being priests, he understands the symbols in the Temple, and he's really the mouthpiece for the common man's religion, and roslyn for the martyr-leader aspect.Other theories:everyone's a cylon in this universe; kara's alive because human beings, once they die, go get reincarnated on Earth, which is just one giant resurrection ship. I still think that Earth is probably the original planet and the 12 colonies of Kobol is some sort of propaganda.Also, as discussed last night, there TOTALLY needs to be an AllToaster, some sentient network thing, a la matrix, that exists on the cylon homeworld or something.Things that should be explained or seen by the end of the series:1. Cylon's homeworld2. how lovers routinely get trapped in each other's heads3. who was caprica 6 speaking to at the very beginning of the first miniseries episode; she's been waiting for him or something and we never find out who4. a superbaby of human origin explodes from Adama's forehead; her name is Athena and she looks just like jessica alba5. fuck, new-boomer's name is athena, isn't it?6. old-boomber and chief should hump again, or do something. that storyline went nowhere, and adama still hasn't faced the boomer that actually shot him7. flashback episodes of Tye and Adama killing whatever the fuck they want to8. MORE BULLDOG EPISODES!9. Shatner. I don't really need to say anything else, except the only way this series ends well is when Adama, after having found Earth, lands the BSG near the Earth capitol and shakes the Earth King's hand: Archon Shatner warmly welcomes the humans back to Earth. THen adama and shatner make out as the sun sets and the screen fades to black as Pearl Jam's "Alive" crescendos.
May 21, 2007 1:47 PM

1 comment:

LyronBennett said...

Wow there is an epic amount of trash in the post preceding this. To sort some of it out, I want to propose that NWallach only write in bullet points. Regardless, here is, as Zappa would say, the crux of the biscuit: monotheism vs polytheism.

The toasters believe in a single God. The existence of that God, in corporeal form, in the BSG universe, is plausible. It need not even be supernatural. It might be the original builder of the first AI or something. It is clear that the toasters have biological research insanely advanced (umm they resurrect people...and stuff) so I have no problem with them keeping some old dude around for a long time. It might do nicely to wrap up a lot of the extraneous stuff related to Cylons.

Now here is the real ball buster: I think the Human religion is probably real as well. There is just too much stuff happening. Again, it doesn't have to be real the way that the Greek Gods were "real" but there is some decidedly supernatural stuff going on. First, Rosalyn is a prophet. Plain and simple. She had visions. Yeah she was on drugs, but she has seen the future and no drug makes you do that. Secondly, in all of our conversations about BSG I don't think anyone has harped on this enough: THEY FOUND KOBOL! The freaking Holy Book they are following is TRUE. They found a place where Human's used to be, and where the Greek Myth God's once lived. How do we know that? They found the map to Earth there. Now it might not have been magic that swept them off to God knows where to stare at the stars, but, as the old Sci-fi adage goes, if the technology is sufficiently advanced, it all looks like magic to us.

To me, the fact that there is a good chance both of these religions are not only "right" but REAL is the reason that it is possible that Season 5 is going to be the coolest thing ever: A HOLY WAR.